Maternity Clothes Part 1

Let me start off by saying I'm not sure there will ever be a "Maternity Clothes Part 2" but seeing as I'm not yet in the 3rd trimester I want to keep all options open. Who knew that at 24 weeks I would have a pile of maternity clothes that are basically useless to me? These are some things I've learned about maternity clothes - hope it's helpful to other mamas-to-be...

1. Under Belly v. Demi Panel v. Full Panel - what's the diff?
When I first started inheriting maternity clothes from my incredibly sweet & generous friends I received pants and skirts with various "belly panels" and was told that "everyone is different in what they prefer to wear." The Under Belly looked to be the most comfortable - but ohhh ho ho - not so fast! Here's a tip - if you have ANY degree of love handles/muffin top - do NOT stock up on Under Belly anything! They basically push all of the fat up and can press down on your bladder and uterus. They are now my least favorite option. The Demi Panel is much more comfy and the stretchier the pants, the more I enjoy the Demi Panel. However, my #1 favorite is (surprisingly) the Full Panel. When you're only a few weeks or months pregnant it is not really practical. But as soon as your belly starts to pop they are the best. They create a nice shape to your belly (bye bye love handles!) while giving some support. My suggestion is to start off with Under Belly if you are a lucky bitch and don't have love handles or Demi Panel if you're like me and have a few extra inches to manage. Then invest in the Full Panel once you hit about 5 months or so.

2. Underwear
One of the first things I had to do was run out and buy new bras. Luckily, Destination Maternity was having a two-for-one sale and I was able to get 4 awesome bras for a great price. I fell in love with two styles and got a nude & black bra in each. The first style was a slightly padded bra which I need because my headlights have been on since day one of this pregnancy. The second style is a convertible nursing bra. Although I have heard that your boobs can continue to grow as the pregnancy develops (yikes in my case) I thought at least there is the chance I will get to use these once I am nursing. They are completely fine to wear in the meantime and have a "pop down" feature for once the breastfeeding begins.

Underpants are another story... one of my dear friends actually gave me her old maternity underpants. Before you get all skeeved out let me just say this was the best hand-me-down EVER. I use pantyliners almost every day so that makes it feel less skeevy to start with. Additionally - underpants are not cheap and the brand she gifted me are top of the line. They are super super stretchy and comfortable. However, they hit me mid-belly and I'm thinking I will need to start looking into undies that either come all the way up over the belly or that hit way low. I'll get back to you on that one. But I did find that my typical thongs just weren't as fun to wear. Plus, you will probably want to invest in some pantyliners as (tmi alert) there are all sorts of things coming out of your nether regions during pregnancy. 'Nough said there.

3. Dresses
This is a totally subjective category and I think depends a lot on how big your boobs are and how you are carrying. With my 38F boobs and high, big belly - I am having a hard time wearing anything that has a low or deep cut V neck (which were always my favorite style pre-pregnancy). In the very beginning of your pregnancy (pre-12 weeks) you are most likely trying to HIDE your pregnancy (before you know everything is going well and you're ready to share the news) so I think that this has a two-part solution. If your boobs are bigger than your belly - you can go for just about anything that isn't skin tight or super fitted. Once you want to show off the belly and accentuate the fact that you're pregnant (and not just heavier than usual) I am a fan of the dresses that tie under the boobs or create some sort of empire waist. I think creating a division between boobs and belly looks really cute and basically shouts out: I'm preggo, not a Weeble Wobble!

4. Tops
Again, in the beginning I could pretty much get away with some of my looser fitting tops, but as time has gone on all I've wanted is for gigantic, roomy, maternity tops that hang lower. And the lower the better. As I've started wearing pregnancy workout pants just about everywhere (because they are so damn comfortable) I don't want to offend anyone with my suddenly large tushy. That's where the long shirts come in handy. If they can cover your butt, you'll probably feel a bit cuter and draw attention to your skinnier areas (like your calves or ankles if you're lucky enough to avoid swelling). I am excited to invest in some tunics paired with leggings. I have a feeling this will become my winter staple.

5. Where to buy!
I love many of the hand-me-downs I received, but reality is that I am a bit too big for a lot of the clothes I got. Instead of putting tons of money into a maternity wardrobe I opted to shop smart (or, at least, I hope so!). Old Navy Maternity is my favorite store to shop from. I have bought everything online. There are ALWAYS sales and the selection is quite cute. Plus, the prices are completely acceptable. I have also hit up sales at Gap Maternity and Destination Maternity. Although I haven't personally bought from one - there are also plenty of consignment shops (and some online) for great clothes at the right price. My rule of thumb is DO NOT PAY FULL PRICE for any maternity clothes unless you are desperate and need a dress for a wedding or something (which happened to me early on). There is no reason to pay full price as there are always sales and bargains to be had.

Hopefully this advice is somewhat helpful. I have a feeling that as I continue to grow larger and larger there will be a need for a Maternity Clothes Part 2 post, so keep your eyes open for it. In the meantime, remember that comfort is key, but there is no reason to look like a hot mess with the cute, cheap, options out there.

It's a...

I haven't updated my blog like I thought I would and know I should. Partially because I have had lots of mental ups and downs with this pregnancy although everything (EVERYTHING!) continues to go amazingly well. I think I underestimated the after-effects of my missed miscarriage and how much unnecessary worry it would cause along the way.

At 14 weeks, which happened to be Father's Day and our first wedding anniversary (June 19th), I ended up in the ER after spotting. It was pure hell to be sitting in a hospital room, thinking of the sick irony of possibly losing our pregnancy on a day that represented so much hope in our lives. But instead of sinking into deep despair I held onto a feeling deep in my gut. That everything was OK. When they finally wheeled me into the ultrasound room the tech was very matter-of-fact with us. She said, "I can't tell you anything so I'm just going to look around and take pictures and give them to the radiologist who will give them to the ER doctor who will then let you know what's going on." This was when I almost lost my mind. I asked, "You can't even tell us if you see a heartbeat?!" Before answering, she peeked around a little and her apathy quickly transformed to kindness.

"Look, there is your baby and its heartbeat and everything looks perfect." Holy huge sigh of relief. And, the bonus was getting to see our baby so strong and healthy. They thought my (at the time) low-lying placenta could have been the culprit for the spotting and it was something that had to be watched, but as time went on it moved up and I am no longer in danger of placenta previa (a condition where the placenta covers part or all of the cervix and typically requires a c-section).

Two weeks later we opted for a paid ultrasound at a facility near our home. It was then we discovered we are having A GIRL!!!!!!! Although we would've been happy with a boy as well, we both were hoping that our first would be a girl. Randy squeezed my hand so tightly when the ultrasound tech confirmed what I had thought in my gut from the start.

Since then we have seen her one more time at our 20 week ultrasound where it was confirmed, she is, indeed, a girl :) In the past few weeks something amazing has happened on top of all of this. I can feel her kicking. It's the most incredible feeling in the world. It still amazes me that there is this little person growing and developing inside of me. And when I feel her kicks, it reminds me of this miracle.

This weekend we are finishing up painting her room and will set up her crib and get her cloth diapers ready. I will be 24 weeks on Tuesday. I still can't believe it is really happening. Our baby girl is on the way...

Positive Attracts Positive

That’s what my mom always says. Growing up as a kid it was sometimes infuriating to hear. Like when I was in a mopey mood and just wanted to stew in it. But as I got older the phrase began to have more meaning for me. Especially once I started believing I could bring good things my way simply by using principles behind “The Secret.”

If you've been following my story you know that in March, my husband and I began our first cycle of TTC after my D&E. I felt strongly that my attitude would be one of the most important ingredients in a recipe for success. Which isn’t as easy as you think. You start to feel hopeful and believe your “rainbow baby” is on the way and suddenly your mind starts messing with you. Telling you that you’re nuts. You’re 37! It’s not THAT easy to get pregnant.

To focus on the positive, I created a meditation mix for my weekly acupuncture appointments. It included “Visualizing Pregnancy” and a few songs that gave me hope. I never just listened. I would FEEL everything. Celine Dion’s song, “New Day Has Come” literally brought tears to my eyes as the song arcs and breaks into complex harmony (the song is about her own struggle with pregnancy and her son finally being born). Truly feeling that a baby was on the way became much more powerful than my feelings of doubt.

I also armed myself with ingredients that were scientifically semi-proven to help. Acupuncture, yoga, pre-seed, and a DTD (doing the deed) schedule that relied upon my temping and charting. I wasn’t going to just throw this to fate. I was going to do everything I could to make this happen, while keeping my mind in check.

After DTD you enter into the dreaded 2WW – two week wait. All the women on the Babycenter.com December 2011 board were weighing in daily. BFPs were rolling in as was the dreaded Aunt Flo. I was

scheduled to get AF on April 13^th, the day after my husband’s birthday. I became somewhat fixated on how awesome it would be to give him a positive pregnancy test as his present. My obsessing was back in full force. I was pretty sure I was pregnant. My cervical mucus had changed. I had way more gas than normal. My face was as greasy as a pizza. Every day I checked my symptoms against the early signs of pregnancy on countdowntopregnancy.com. They seemed to match up.

Women were POAS-ing (peeing on a stick) as early as 8DPO (days past ovulation) and getting their positive results. Initially I had planned to wait until my husband’s birthday morning, but at 8DPO I couldn’t resist. I had stocked up on a stash of I.C.’s (internet cheapies) and figured I’d go for it.

So, on 8DPO I attempted to POAS on an internet cheapie. The first test I submerged too much of the test strip. The second test I left in too long. The third test I finally did right. I checked the test and BFN.

It felt like a kick in my gut and then some. I couldn’t believe how quickly my feelings of hope turned to that of disappointment. Many women don’t get their BFPs until much later in their cycles, but the amount of HcG needed for an I.C. to show positive wasn’t much.

After pulling myself together I sighed and threw the IC into the trash. Then I froze. The other two tests – the ones I had done wrong – were poking out in the trash with faint positive lines on them. I looked back at the third test. It, too, had a very very very faint positive line on it. Could it be?

My hope was renewed instantly. I took pictures of the test and posted it on Babycenter asking if anyone else saw what I saw. They did. I still couldn’t be too sure. So the next morning at 9DPO I used another IC. Again, the line was very very very faint. Sigh… I decided to pull out the big guns. The expensive pregnancy test. The one that tells it like it is.

PREGNANT.

My eyes immediately welled up with tears. I could not believe it. It was really true. It really worked. I was really pregnant!

I could not bear to wait 3 more days to tell my husband. I wrapped up a set of Minnestota Vikings pacifiers I had purchased in the hopes of getting my BFP and gave them to him as an early birthday present. When he unwrapped them he said, “Oh how cute! For when we have a baby!” And then I said, “Well, here is the other part of your birthday present.” And I handed him the positive pregnancy test. He was in shock.

That was over two months ago. I will be 11 weeks pregnant tomorrow. So far, everything is going perfectly. One part of the "Visualizing Pregnancy" meditation tells you to picture good news coming to you as your pregnancy unfolds perfectly. I could not believe the degree of excitement and positive energy that has surrounded this pregnancy from my midwives to the ultrasound techs.

My hcg levels were completely on track each time I had my blood work done. At 7 weeks we went for our first u/s. The one I was so worried about. But this time, everything was different. As soon as the tech put the u/s device on my belly we saw the baby and its pounding heartbeat. It was gushing at a beautiful and healthy 158bpm. The baby measured spot on. 

We heard its heartbeat last Tuesday. A quick and hearty 174-180bpm. And in another week we go for our 12 week ultrasound. 

I was holding out updating the blog because I didn't want to get too ahead of myself. But I owe it to myself and my baby to document this pregnancy.

I'm still keeping this pregnancy on the down low - for now. After the 12 week ultrasound I will tell more people. And by 16 weeks... if everything continues to go beautifully, I will shout it from the rooftops.

Please send us your positive thoughts, prayers, vibes, karma. Because as we all know by now - positive really does attract positive.

Obsess Much?

Throughout my life I have had a tendency to overthink, overanalyze, and obsess so much I can easily bring myself to the brink of insanity. Pre-husband this was typically 100% boy related. Now that I'm married, the focus of my obsessions has changed. Last year it jumped between wedding/honeymoon planning, creative writing projects, trying to drop 20lbs, and most recently - working through my miscarriage. Whatever my focus at the time, everything else takes a backseat as the blinders on my eyes only allow me to see what's right in front of my face. You need focus and drive to succeed. But at what point does it become unhealthy? At what point do you need to take a breather?

Since we were given the green light to start TTCing this cycle I have been Double O-C. Double O-C was coined by my friend, Michele. It stands for Out Of Control. My current getting knocked up obsession has made me certifiably Double O-C. I am on Babycenter.com not once a day, not twice a day, but multiple points throughout my day. In fact, I found it difficult/impossible to concentrate on anything during my workday last week except for hitting refresh on my browser so I could see what the other December 2011 hopefuls were writing about.

Today is no different. I woke up, read updates on my iphone, made breakfast, read updates on my computer, went to Home Goods, read updates while waiting in the checkout line. And I'm back home. And I promise you as soon as I'm done writing this post I will be back on again. And probably at least 5 or 6 more times before the day is through.

When I would obsess in the past I would give myself a "free pass". No judgments. Because the gratification from obsessing was so enjoyable - it was like my drug. But like with any drug, once you come down, there is a price to pay. In my case, I didn't make the deadline on two of my assignments last week. I am skating on thin ice. Playing with fire. Fill in the blank cliche expression. It's not good.

So how can I quit my habit? Can I even quit my habit? Should I even quit my habit?? Being on babycenter is so addicting because there are so many other women going through the same exact emotions and experiences as I am. It is support at hand all day every day. And I am not ready to give it up.

I know the answer. We all do. It's balance. I have to find it. And maybe I will... tomorrow!

Fertility Drill Sergeant

When my husband and I started ttcing back in July we weren't so formal about it. I'd had an iphone app that "guessed" at my most fertile days based around my period start date and duration. We did it when we felt like it and tried to get it in during those potentially fertile days.

This cycle, everything changed.

I became a drill sergeant. I had a non-negotiable schedule for "doing the deed" and by now I had figured out how to tell if I was at my peak fertility, plus which day I'd most likely ovulated. We were definitely not ttc-ing in the dark anymore. Quite literally. I decided that mornings were our best bet. Sometimes after a rough day at the office the last thing you have energy for is baby-making. I hadn't fully factored in how much work my husband was going to have to put into these attempts. It's not like your typical nookie when you're both in the mood so you go for it. This is different. You may not be in the mood at all, but you better get in the mood and fast. Fertility drill sergeant says, "Drop your pants!"

This round of trying was definitely lacking spontaneity and romance, but it didn't lack in intimacy. For the first time, we were completely locked into the same goal. It's something we both wanted before. But it's something we both want even more now. There was a real emphasis on the "trying" in trying to conceive. We definitely gave it our all. And that's all we could do.

So now it's up to biology, the universe, God, and a little wishful thinking...

I'm Baaaaaack

No, I'm not announcing a new pregnancy, just a new beginning.

I haven't posted in awhile because I had to put my thoughts of TTCing on the back burner while I waited for my cycle to get back to normal. Sure, I could've continued to post about my thoughts and hopes for the future, but I felt like I needed a mental break from thinking so much about it. In the past month+ I didn't lose track of my goals. I've changed my diet to one that will be easier to maintain next time I get a BFP, eating almost entirely organically. And I've been consistently going to my acupuncture treatments. I've been listening to my meditation mp3 (Visualizing Pregnancy) to get myself psyched up.

And a few weeks ago I got my first normal AF since the miscarriage. After feeling disappointed and let down by my body I was able to celebrate it once again. And all of the incredible resiliency that I have inside me both mentally and physically.

I feel as though a switch has flipped. And although there are still some parts of the pregnancy process that scare me (going back to get an u/s, getting bloodwork results, etc) - I have been focusing my energies on all of the excitement I will feel. How everything will go RIGHT this time. That I am lucky. And that our time is coming...

So, I'm feeling hopeful. And working towards getting that BFP...

It is good to be back.

WARNING: This may make you sick to your stomach

My friend, Jen, just posted this article on facebook with a caption that it made her feel sick to her stomach. I couldn't agree more. I have not read the full article, yet, but feel compelled to post it based on the short snapshot I was able to digest before becoming, literally, nauseous.

If this law passed and I lived in GA, I might be in prison right now:

http://motherjones.com/blue-marble/2011/02/miscarriage-death-penalty-georgia