Throughout my life I have had a tendency to overthink, overanalyze, and obsess so much I can easily bring myself to the brink of insanity. Pre-husband this was typically 100% boy related. Now that I'm married, the focus of my obsessions has changed. Last year it jumped between wedding/honeymoon planning, creative writing projects, trying to drop 20lbs, and most recently - working through my miscarriage. Whatever my focus at the time, everything else takes a backseat as the blinders on my eyes only allow me to see what's right in front of my face. You need focus and drive to succeed. But at what point does it become unhealthy? At what point do you need to take a breather?
Since we were given the green light to start TTCing this cycle I have been Double O-C. Double O-C was coined by my friend, Michele. It stands for Out Of Control. My current getting knocked up obsession has made me certifiably Double O-C. I am on Babycenter.com not once a day, not twice a day, but multiple points throughout my day. In fact, I found it difficult/impossible to concentrate on anything during my workday last week except for hitting refresh on my browser so I could see what the other December 2011 hopefuls were writing about.
Today is no different. I woke up, read updates on my iphone, made breakfast, read updates on my computer, went to Home Goods, read updates while waiting in the checkout line. And I'm back home. And I promise you as soon as I'm done writing this post I will be back on again. And probably at least 5 or 6 more times before the day is through.
When I would obsess in the past I would give myself a "free pass". No judgments. Because the gratification from obsessing was so enjoyable - it was like my drug. But like with any drug, once you come down, there is a price to pay. In my case, I didn't make the deadline on two of my assignments last week. I am skating on thin ice. Playing with fire. Fill in the blank cliche expression. It's not good.
So how can I quit my habit? Can I even quit my habit? Should I even quit my habit?? Being on babycenter is so addicting because there are so many other women going through the same exact emotions and experiences as I am. It is support at hand all day every day. And I am not ready to give it up.
I know the answer. We all do. It's balance. I have to find it. And maybe I will... tomorrow!
