I haven't updated my blog like I thought I would and know I should. Partially because I have had lots of mental ups and downs with this pregnancy although everything (EVERYTHING!) continues to go amazingly well. I think I underestimated the after-effects of my missed miscarriage and how much unnecessary worry it would cause along the way.
At 14 weeks, which happened to be Father's Day and our first wedding anniversary (June 19th), I ended up in the ER after spotting. It was pure hell to be sitting in a hospital room, thinking of the sick irony of possibly losing our pregnancy on a day that represented so much hope in our lives. But instead of sinking into deep despair I held onto a feeling deep in my gut. That everything was OK. When they finally wheeled me into the ultrasound room the tech was very matter-of-fact with us. She said, "I can't tell you anything so I'm just going to look around and take pictures and give them to the radiologist who will give them to the ER doctor who will then let you know what's going on." This was when I almost lost my mind. I asked, "You can't even tell us if you see a heartbeat?!" Before answering, she peeked around a little and her apathy quickly transformed to kindness.
"Look, there is your baby and its heartbeat and everything looks perfect." Holy huge sigh of relief. And, the bonus was getting to see our baby so strong and healthy. They thought my (at the time) low-lying placenta could have been the culprit for the spotting and it was something that had to be watched, but as time went on it moved up and I am no longer in danger of placenta previa (a condition where the placenta covers part or all of the cervix and typically requires a c-section).
Two weeks later we opted for a paid ultrasound at a facility near our home. It was then we discovered we are having A GIRL!!!!!!! Although we would've been happy with a boy as well, we both were hoping that our first would be a girl. Randy squeezed my hand so tightly when the ultrasound tech confirmed what I had thought in my gut from the start.
Since then we have seen her one more time at our 20 week ultrasound where it was confirmed, she is, indeed, a girl :) In the past few weeks something amazing has happened on top of all of this. I can feel her kicking. It's the most incredible feeling in the world. It still amazes me that there is this little person growing and developing inside of me. And when I feel her kicks, it reminds me of this miracle.
This weekend we are finishing up painting her room and will set up her crib and get her cloth diapers ready. I will be 24 weeks on Tuesday. I still can't believe it is really happening. Our baby girl is on the way...
