Fertility Drill Sergeant

When my husband and I started ttcing back in July we weren't so formal about it. I'd had an iphone app that "guessed" at my most fertile days based around my period start date and duration. We did it when we felt like it and tried to get it in during those potentially fertile days.

This cycle, everything changed.

I became a drill sergeant. I had a non-negotiable schedule for "doing the deed" and by now I had figured out how to tell if I was at my peak fertility, plus which day I'd most likely ovulated. We were definitely not ttc-ing in the dark anymore. Quite literally. I decided that mornings were our best bet. Sometimes after a rough day at the office the last thing you have energy for is baby-making. I hadn't fully factored in how much work my husband was going to have to put into these attempts. It's not like your typical nookie when you're both in the mood so you go for it. This is different. You may not be in the mood at all, but you better get in the mood and fast. Fertility drill sergeant says, "Drop your pants!"

This round of trying was definitely lacking spontaneity and romance, but it didn't lack in intimacy. For the first time, we were completely locked into the same goal. It's something we both wanted before. But it's something we both want even more now. There was a real emphasis on the "trying" in trying to conceive. We definitely gave it our all. And that's all we could do.

So now it's up to biology, the universe, God, and a little wishful thinking...

I'm Baaaaaack

No, I'm not announcing a new pregnancy, just a new beginning.

I haven't posted in awhile because I had to put my thoughts of TTCing on the back burner while I waited for my cycle to get back to normal. Sure, I could've continued to post about my thoughts and hopes for the future, but I felt like I needed a mental break from thinking so much about it. In the past month+ I didn't lose track of my goals. I've changed my diet to one that will be easier to maintain next time I get a BFP, eating almost entirely organically. And I've been consistently going to my acupuncture treatments. I've been listening to my meditation mp3 (Visualizing Pregnancy) to get myself psyched up.

And a few weeks ago I got my first normal AF since the miscarriage. After feeling disappointed and let down by my body I was able to celebrate it once again. And all of the incredible resiliency that I have inside me both mentally and physically.

I feel as though a switch has flipped. And although there are still some parts of the pregnancy process that scare me (going back to get an u/s, getting bloodwork results, etc) - I have been focusing my energies on all of the excitement I will feel. How everything will go RIGHT this time. That I am lucky. And that our time is coming...

So, I'm feeling hopeful. And working towards getting that BFP...

It is good to be back.