Positive Attracts Positive

That’s what my mom always says. Growing up as a kid it was sometimes infuriating to hear. Like when I was in a mopey mood and just wanted to stew in it. But as I got older the phrase began to have more meaning for me. Especially once I started believing I could bring good things my way simply by using principles behind “The Secret.”

If you've been following my story you know that in March, my husband and I began our first cycle of TTC after my D&E. I felt strongly that my attitude would be one of the most important ingredients in a recipe for success. Which isn’t as easy as you think. You start to feel hopeful and believe your “rainbow baby” is on the way and suddenly your mind starts messing with you. Telling you that you’re nuts. You’re 37! It’s not THAT easy to get pregnant.

To focus on the positive, I created a meditation mix for my weekly acupuncture appointments. It included “Visualizing Pregnancy” and a few songs that gave me hope. I never just listened. I would FEEL everything. Celine Dion’s song, “New Day Has Come” literally brought tears to my eyes as the song arcs and breaks into complex harmony (the song is about her own struggle with pregnancy and her son finally being born). Truly feeling that a baby was on the way became much more powerful than my feelings of doubt.

I also armed myself with ingredients that were scientifically semi-proven to help. Acupuncture, yoga, pre-seed, and a DTD (doing the deed) schedule that relied upon my temping and charting. I wasn’t going to just throw this to fate. I was going to do everything I could to make this happen, while keeping my mind in check.

After DTD you enter into the dreaded 2WW – two week wait. All the women on the Babycenter.com December 2011 board were weighing in daily. BFPs were rolling in as was the dreaded Aunt Flo. I was

scheduled to get AF on April 13^th, the day after my husband’s birthday. I became somewhat fixated on how awesome it would be to give him a positive pregnancy test as his present. My obsessing was back in full force. I was pretty sure I was pregnant. My cervical mucus had changed. I had way more gas than normal. My face was as greasy as a pizza. Every day I checked my symptoms against the early signs of pregnancy on countdowntopregnancy.com. They seemed to match up.

Women were POAS-ing (peeing on a stick) as early as 8DPO (days past ovulation) and getting their positive results. Initially I had planned to wait until my husband’s birthday morning, but at 8DPO I couldn’t resist. I had stocked up on a stash of I.C.’s (internet cheapies) and figured I’d go for it.

So, on 8DPO I attempted to POAS on an internet cheapie. The first test I submerged too much of the test strip. The second test I left in too long. The third test I finally did right. I checked the test and BFN.

It felt like a kick in my gut and then some. I couldn’t believe how quickly my feelings of hope turned to that of disappointment. Many women don’t get their BFPs until much later in their cycles, but the amount of HcG needed for an I.C. to show positive wasn’t much.

After pulling myself together I sighed and threw the IC into the trash. Then I froze. The other two tests – the ones I had done wrong – were poking out in the trash with faint positive lines on them. I looked back at the third test. It, too, had a very very very faint positive line on it. Could it be?

My hope was renewed instantly. I took pictures of the test and posted it on Babycenter asking if anyone else saw what I saw. They did. I still couldn’t be too sure. So the next morning at 9DPO I used another IC. Again, the line was very very very faint. Sigh… I decided to pull out the big guns. The expensive pregnancy test. The one that tells it like it is.

PREGNANT.

My eyes immediately welled up with tears. I could not believe it. It was really true. It really worked. I was really pregnant!

I could not bear to wait 3 more days to tell my husband. I wrapped up a set of Minnestota Vikings pacifiers I had purchased in the hopes of getting my BFP and gave them to him as an early birthday present. When he unwrapped them he said, “Oh how cute! For when we have a baby!” And then I said, “Well, here is the other part of your birthday present.” And I handed him the positive pregnancy test. He was in shock.

That was over two months ago. I will be 11 weeks pregnant tomorrow. So far, everything is going perfectly. One part of the "Visualizing Pregnancy" meditation tells you to picture good news coming to you as your pregnancy unfolds perfectly. I could not believe the degree of excitement and positive energy that has surrounded this pregnancy from my midwives to the ultrasound techs.

My hcg levels were completely on track each time I had my blood work done. At 7 weeks we went for our first u/s. The one I was so worried about. But this time, everything was different. As soon as the tech put the u/s device on my belly we saw the baby and its pounding heartbeat. It was gushing at a beautiful and healthy 158bpm. The baby measured spot on. 

We heard its heartbeat last Tuesday. A quick and hearty 174-180bpm. And in another week we go for our 12 week ultrasound. 

I was holding out updating the blog because I didn't want to get too ahead of myself. But I owe it to myself and my baby to document this pregnancy.

I'm still keeping this pregnancy on the down low - for now. After the 12 week ultrasound I will tell more people. And by 16 weeks... if everything continues to go beautifully, I will shout it from the rooftops.

Please send us your positive thoughts, prayers, vibes, karma. Because as we all know by now - positive really does attract positive.